Nerves and the such..

I hardly slept last night. Thinking about this large head trying to come out of my body. I know- I can do this. I had Veda with minimal "issue". I don't like that I am having to go into this labor knowing that their are warning signs to all of the medications- and I am going to have to use them (or some of them). 8 lbs and 11 oz....

I have that pit in my chest. That weight that someone is standing there. I know it's not Soren because he is just sitting there- I saw his butt there yesterday. But I can tell that I have some apprehensions. And I don't like that. With Veda's birth I just went full force into doing it. No real concerns.

Maybe it is because this is my "LAST TIME" being pregnant. This is my last day of having a baby live inside my womb. How sad. No, I don't think I will have postpartum. I am just sad that this is over. But I am thankful since I can barely walk. I waddle. And I'm really not even good at that!

I am not sure where Jeff is at mentally. I have tried to talk with him but he really hasn't opened up. I would bet he is nervous, scared and excited.

Veda is over the moon. And I have to be honest. When I said to her this morning "Today is your last day being an only child" it made me much more upset than it did her. Not that I don't want this to happen. It is just a big change in our lives. I typically have a really hard time with change. Veda has been my last 6 years. My life has focused on her. Now it's time to split that time. Hoping that I can do this well.

Can you tell I am anxious. Wait. I already said that.

Last day of work for 12 weeks!!! It will be nice to focus on life rather than death for awhile.