Random thoughts (really needing to just get stuff off of my chest....)

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

"Did he suffer?"

Why can't grief be easy? There should be specific steps that you take with a certificate after completing each step! There shouldn't be any of this jumping around or "advanced grief"! What the hell is that?

So today Veda and I are walking out the door to go to piano lessons and she throws the "Did he suffer?" at me.

"Who, Veda?"

"Daddy Tad."

(The quickest answer I could come up with...) "No"

After a few seconds I decided she needed more than that. "No honey, I don't even think he knew what was going to happen. It happened so quickly that he body stopped working right away. There was no time for him to suffer. He didn't feel a thing."

So I hope that I am not lying to her. This is what I was told by Dr's and what the autopsy told me. Just too much trauma.

Jeff is coming along. He is trying to do too much I think. He is supposed to be resting and he is taking off the raised toilet seat! (Did I mention that the raised toilet seat sexually assaulted me one time in the middle of the night?! It was pretty freaky- glad it's gone.) He goes back in for another check up on 4-1 so hopefully he will be able to start PT after that. I think he is anxious to get moving more. He went for a walk yesterday- down to the gas station and brought home a gallon of milk. Shit head isn't supposed to carry that much. I think he may be trying to prove something to himself. I just love him. I sat last night and read through all of our old emails. As I told him last night- it's good to remember your history.

Soren is cute but quite frankly ticking me off. He has decided to not stay still when I am trying to change him. All moms know how annoying this is. My friends comment frequently on how my kids don't lie still to get diapers on. Why is that? Did I do something wrong? Must have skipped that page in the parenting manual. Oh yeah- my manual got destroyed in the Tsunami that hit Tecumseh last week. Bummer.

So is up again. What the hell? He should be sleeping through the night by now. He wants to see my head pop off I swear.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Big huts for answering questions about T for Veda. It definitely sounds like you said the right thing. I so hope it is true (even with all of the evidence saying so).

And my kid stopped sitting still for diaper changes right about this stage - and hasn't been still since. You're not alone in missing the chapter!


Friday, March 21, 2008 7:40:00 AM  
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Sunday, March 23, 2008 8:43:00 AM  
Blogger LawMommy said...

My heart is breaking that Veda asked you that. It is. On the other hand, I cannot tell you how many times I asked myself that, and how many times I hoped that the doctors gave you a straight answer about it. I guess if it has haunted us grown-ups, the question was doubtless to start bothering Veda.

No advice on the sleep, just empathy. He SHOULD be sleeping through the night. So should have Gabe at that age. Big hugs ((())).


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