Random thoughts (really needing to just get stuff off of my chest....)

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Pictures I have promised

Ok so here we are. The pictures I have promised for awhile now. On the top is my KID!! No longer a toddler. And to your right is our new son. Aren't those stretch marks looking great!! I am wondering if they will get even thicker this time? Feeling a lot of movement fomr our boy. Still searching for names. Happy New Years Everyone!!

Friday, December 29, 2006


So here's the deal. We had such a great time at the ultrasound. It always amazes me how clear of a picture you can get from the outside looking in.

J was visibly nervous while waiting. This is funny because he normally is pretty good at bottling his emotions for a later date. But today that was not the case. I actually got a high five!! He was very happy to find out the sex of our baby. He smiled from ear to ear. My mom, dad and V were there as well. Everyone oohed and aaahed!!

So here it is.... Da Da Da Da-- It's a....

We interrupt this blog to inform you that is a horible web site. DO NOT make any purchases from them. They will not follow through and their customer service is VERY POOR!! Boo Hiss on this company.

Oh yeah, it's a boy. Can you belive that I am going to have a son?! I am just thrilled. Now the name game begins. J will actually think about it now that we know it's a HE!!

Today is the day...

So I am going to find out if I am going to be mother of a daughter or son in just 7 hours and 41 minutes... I am so excited!! I am hoping all will be well with the baby. It sure feels fine since it kicks my abdomen quite often. Actually I am really freaked out by this. Knowing changes everything. How in the world am I supposed to work today??

I will update you later on my uterus resident...

Wednesday, December 27, 2006


I will most definitely hold a grudge against I encourage everyone to avoid this company like the plague. Long story short- they promised to have my daughter's "Santa gift" here overnight and 7 days later it did not come. I called each day and never received a call back. Fooey on them... I did find her gift the night before Santa came- all is well.

J and V are at a water park today. How fun. A bit jealous since I have to work. We were at my parents house for the holiday. J had to stay here and work- life of a nurse.

Had an OB appointment today. Heartbeat was 146. All looks well. We go for the ultrasound on Friday. I am really excited that we will be able to really get to know this baby better. Find a name, start the room etc...

Work is going okay. I am working with another friends family member. I am wishing for him that this is not a long process. Sometimes death does not come fast enough. The family is doing well and I know they will be fine.

New Years is almost here. Can you believe it??

OK name ideas... My dad hates most of them. Let me know what you think.

boy- Soren, Liam

girl- Solace, Tyyne

Obviously we have no idea what to do about it- we will have more direction on Friday.

Happy Holidays to all of you..

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Mark the date...

Veda lost her first tooth. I will post pictures soon. I am just so worried that the tooth fairy may not make it as it is late at night!! :)

I no longer have a toddler.

Grief hits...

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Can't do anything right...

So today I have discovered that I just can't do anything right. I am a shitty mom and a shitty wife. V thinks no one likes her, I pressure her while she is playing the piano and I can't understand what the F*** she is talking about half of the time.

I am a crappy wife because I always say the wrong things. I expect things that I guess I should not be expecting and I just don't understand boys. Really that is all it is I think. I don't understand boys and how they think. It is so different from how I think. It just makes no sense and I am really frustrated!! I never wanted to believe that men were from Mars and women were from Venus but now I am sure I am from some different universe. I just can't be from the same place. And now what? How do you deal with that? It is not a minor problem. It is a processing problem in my main hard drive. I am programmed. Sucks to be J.

Work has been busy. Getting all of my visits in before the holidays. And V has strep throat. At least we have some antibiotics she can take for this. All the other stuff this year has been a wait it out type illness. She should be better soon. She better be or else we can't go to my folks again for the holiday and I will just be broken if that happens. It will be hard enough anyway as J has to work and we won't see him the whole time. Suck!

Not much else. My tummy expands daily. V said she would take a picture of it soon so we can post it all for you to be grossed out again. And yes, my boobs have now taken over most of our County. I tried to find some bras tonight... I am going to have to go to the "speciality store". Will my body ever go back? No- let's be honest. I am stuck with stretching saggy skin forever.

Have a great night. I sure am going to.

Boy I am a downer today aren't I??

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Yet another Hospice day...

Thank you if you sent thoughts to my patient. She died early this morning with her family present. I am thankful she was able to let go as she suffered a lot. The visuals, sounds and smells will resonate with me for quite some time I am sure. Now I just think about her family, especially her baby...

Today has been dulled by her death. I had this looming cloud over me most of the day. I guess accumulated grief plays a part in that as well. Often times in doing the work I do you have to just move on. This one is making me stop. Forcing me to put on my seat belt and just deal with her death. And with her death comes the deaths of all of the other patients I have neglected to grieve. This happens from time to time I understand. I wonder- am I getting to involved. But then I think, if I didn't connect at some level I would be horrible at what I do. There just needs to be a middle ground.

V's tooth is still loose. She lets me wiggle it but doesn't want it out bad enough yet. Off to bed. I need some sleep.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Seriously... a loose tooth.

So today was a really rough day at work. My very young patient (in her early 20's with a 23 month old son) is dying. And it is not a pretty death. She is bleeding out, slowly. Unfortunately, I witnessed some of this today. Watching her pull blood clots from her nose and mouth- then making jokes. I will never lose that visual as it is etched in my brain. Life is just totally unfair! And frankly if I could find Cancer today- I would KICK ITS ASS!! There would be no second round.

On a home note... V came home today and said her tooth was loose. So I go along with it like I have for the past 2 years (since we watched that Arthur movie in 2004). But today it's different. I could get it out today if I wanted to. She is at the table now drawing a picture for the tooth fairy- just in case it is today. Where did the time go. I was just in labor a few days ago I swear! She will be 6 in just few short months. I need to start compiling her college bath necessities. Ugh.

The holidays are fast approaching. I am just about finished with shopping. My nephew- 13 - I have no clue what to get a boy during puberity. A porn magazine. Kleenex. Lotion. Just kidding. I just grossed myself out. He is such a good kid. I'm sure he's not there. I know....

Feeling a bit more movement in my belly. I guess it is time for another belly shot soon isn't it. So you all can sit and stare at my gorgeous stretch marks. Really- don't be jealous. I have plenty to go around.

If you have extra loving thoughts today my patient could use them.

Saturday, December 09, 2006


You know you have those days where you worry a lot about what is happening inside your body. Well for the last two days I have been really aware of how little I am feeling this baby move. Maybe I am just making a worry out of a tired baby but it concerns me. Wondering how long do people let it go before they contact their doctors for a check. I am sure everything is fine but just as my friend sortingouthebabystuff talked about you just have periods of worry. If the the baby is alive, is it ok, does it have 28 eye balls.

I will feel more secure after our ultra sound which is now on the 29th as V and J will be at the waterpark on the 27th. And no I'm not going- I have to work. Bummer.

My friend lawmommy has travel approval for her daughter who currently is in Vietnam. She will be home with her family in early January!! I can't wait to meet her!!

Other news- great sales at Kohls. I am done shopping for V. Only need a few things and then I am finally finished!!

Still on the name search. J and I have found some names that we really like but we have not finalized yet. Still looking... Thanks for the sites C.

Monday, December 04, 2006

She grows up...

So today I offically didn't have to do anything for my child to get ready. This includes brushing teeth, reminders to put on socks and brush hair. I guess I did get her cereal for her but this has been a good morning. No rushing around- just enjoying each other's company.

On a side note- school lunches are not designed for children who do not eat meat, or red meat. A hot dog or beef and bean burrito today. Bummer and I wanted to skip making a lunch.

Any suggestions for baby names? We are really looking. I have a girls name I like (I think J does as well) not so sure about the boys name...

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Ugh... boys

I guess that's my only thought right now.