Random thoughts (really needing to just get stuff off of my chest....)

Monday, January 29, 2007

She just screamed in my face...

Literally. Not kidding. She moved to get closer to my face to YELL!! What is this about?? All I did was told her that she would need to practice her piano tonight once without me and once with me. WOW! If this is what life with a girl is going to be like- thank goodness for the little boy. I could not have this two times. UGH! I just walked away and sent her to her room to chill out.

Feeling good. Pregnant. Thankfully one of my true friends told me today that the only place she sees my weight gain is in my butt. At least she is honest. To a degree anyway since we are at about 25+ lbs. Oh well, I'll have a great little baby to go with my added fat.

Jeff is making dinner. How nice. And I have to go get an oil change. Bummer. Gotta go. Just wanted you all to know what that yelling you heard was about.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Will 6 be better???

So why is it that children can be so bi-polar. One second I am the best thing in the world the next I am Satan's spawn and I "am a mean mom". Why you ask? Because I decided that it was not necessary for her to "waste" money ($0.50) on some stupid game outside of Pamida. All of the sudden I am horrible. I don't feel like Veda is in any way "needing" things.. This kid has so many things that she barely plays with any of them. Frustrated. I thought that I was really doing well with raising a child who is thankful for things but I think I need to get working on that.

Went to the OB/GYN today. She said I was fine with what I was doing protein, calcium, iron wise. I will have my blood sugar test (the gross 1 hour drink) in four weeks. Let's hope I don't have to deal with any of that. Soren's heart rate was 150 today. Good. He is growing well. I have gained 25 lbs. Good lord. My butt is the size of a bulldozer. Let alone my boobs. I keep trying to tell myself that I will be able to get back to some sort of normal- but I remember how hard it was the first time.

Did I tell you a jungle theme in Soren's room? I am so excited about the woman who is painting the mural. I will have to post pictures when she is finished.

Work is going well. Not much else on that front.

Did you know that iron makes you constipated? I wish someone would have told me earlier...

Sunday, January 21, 2007

So I just cried...

Yesterday I went to the store found the smallest package of organic chicken I could find and brought it home. I then proceed to pace around the kitchen for about an hour. Finally I took out a cutting board and cut up the chicken. I decided that fajitas would be best as I could hide it in my guacamole. I cooked the chicken on the stove and covered it in spices. The whole time I kept telling myself this was the best for both of us.

Jeff got home and dinner went to the table. He could feel the tension that was running through me and offered some support. I snapped at him and just said "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to get it over with!" Then we sat at the table. Jeff and Veda ate their fajitas and I made mine. Then I just sat there looking at it and cried. I just couldn't do it. I sat there for probably 45 minutes. Veda actually went to bed with me still sitting at the table. I felt like a 5 year old not wanting to eat my veggies. Ironic.

I quickly got up and ate a protein bar and made a protein shake with milk. Ugh. Jeff made the comment "I just don't want you to regret this if something is wrong with him." WOW! That was a lot of pressure. So I sit here sick to my stomach (mostly because I have already had 60 grams of protein today- daily requirement for pregnant women is 71 grams) not knowing what to do. I think I will have my OB/GYN take my blood on Wednesday again and see if I was able to make any progress in my levels. I also bought Calcium and B-12 this am hoping that would help.

Oh, I took Veda to the ER this am. She told me that she could not hear out of her left ear. We were there for 10-15 minutes! A very quick visit- the ER Doctor happened to be the Medical Director of the Hospice I work at so he just followed us into our room when we got there. Nice to know people. Needless to say she has an ear infection. "That ear is angry. Very, very angry" (in his Indian accent). Amoxicillin here we come! Again. I swear I should buy stock.

Still meat free...

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Crossing blood...

Yesterday I get a call from the midwife at my OB/GYN's office. Her voice sounded like what she was going to say was important- not urgent- but definitely important. She told me that they had gotten more blood work back which showed that when I fainted my blood and Soren's blood mixed. This isn't normally a big deal- unless you are RH Negative. Which I am. So I went in right then. Called J on the phone and he talked me there. I got a bit scared-ok freaked out! When I got there she said that it should be fine- I just have to have some shots periodically throughout my pregnancy to make sure my body does not end up seeing Soren as an infection and try to get "flush him out of my system". This will also be important if we have future pregnancies as well.

Blah! I don't remember having these many issues with my pregnancy with Veda. I just got pregnant, ate, ate some more, pushed and there she was...

On a weirder note I had a dream the other night (I think I am having some concerns about all of the deficiencies in my body right now- protein, iron, calcium and low blood sugar) where I had Soren a month early. He weighed 3 pounds 2 ounces. His face and body were perfect. But on the back of his head he had this protruding mouth thing that would come out periodically- with teeth and a tongue. He also had one Shrek ear and one ear that was on the top of his head that looked like a dog's ear.

As you can tell there is some inner turmoil over this meat thing. I did talk to the midwife again yesterday and she said that there are differences in the proteins and iron's you get from meat rather than beans, soy, etc.... I may be hitting KFC today. I do not want to harm this baby or myself in anyway. And it seems that now I am.

Any suggestions for a first meat dinner? I know that I won't do red meat so we are looking at chicken or turkey. Birds. Ugh. How in the hell am I ever going to do this? Although it would be pretty funny if after I ate it I loved it. Honestly- a fear of mine.

Veda is sick again today. Our only day off together will be spent snuggling on the couch eating pumpkin muffins. AND EGGS!! Have to get that protein...

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Fainting spell update...

So I went to the Doctor today... And like I thought my iron, calcium, protein and blood sugar are all low. Needless to say this little boy is sucking the life out of me. My OB says he is just taking what he needs and I just don't have enough to keep both of us healthy on what I am currently in taking. So of course she suggested I eat meat (chicken and fish) to get the complex proteins and iron that I need. I am now on an iron supplement and eating fake meat like crazy. I really don't want to eat meat but when you have it in your face- loud and clear- that you are not doing a good enough job, you second guess it. Especially when your baby is involved.

I was also sent over to the hospital for more blood work and an ultrasound to check the baby. He looks fine. They actually did a 3-D ultrasound and I have pictures of my boy. Actual pictures. I can see is little lips, nose and eyes. I will try and post them later. He is adorable I must admit!! Takes after his mother- OK, his father. It is just so weird to actually see him. I can't wait...

That's it for the update. Basically, I am a poor vegetarian.

This would ONLY happen to me...

So I was on call yesterday as it was a holiday for my hospice. I get a call around 4:30 saying that I needed to go be with a family as the mother had just died- she was young. Both of the children were due in around 5:30. I got there around 4:50 to support her husband and wait for the children to arrive. They finally do arrive. I give the family some space and go wait in the waiting room with some of the other friends and family who were at the hospital. By this time it is about 5:50 or so. We all go back into the room to support the family. I sit next to the 23 year old daughter as she was having a very difficult time. For about 7-10 minutes I do my hospice deal then- BAM! WHACK! The next thing I know I am getting very numb and then I wake up with three people (one nurse and two of the deceased woman's family members) in my face screaming "Are you OK Danielle?"

OK so as you can guess I passed out. This then led to an entire night in the E.R. with a battery of tests. A EKG, blood work up, fetal heart sounds and multiple blood pressures . Needless to say I missed 24- AGAIN! I have to go to my OB today to ensure Soren is OK.

Don't tell my dad this but it looks as though I may be a bit anemic with low protein and low calcium. Some vegetarian I am. I am terrified that my OB is going to strongly encourage me to eat meat. She was not sure that this episode was due to those three things but I do need to address them none-the-less. I have to call the OB first thing.

Can you just imagine having your mother die and having your hospice social worker pass out in her room. (They all said they were thankful because it broke some of the tension.)

So last night I still didn't feel quite right. And to be honest right now I am a bit off as well. I guess only time will tell. But I don't like the fact that I passed out sitting up. I have been getting lightheaded for awhile now when I go from prone to standing or sitting to standing quickly.

Maybe I am just turning into an airhead. My dad did say that pregnant women lose 8% of the brain functioning when they are pregnant. Maybe mine brain just forgot how to stay alert.

Some comfort I was huh?

Friday, January 12, 2007

Names Part II

OK so I think that we have settled on a first name. V is already calling him by it. But the middle name I am not sure of. Looking for suggestions... Since the babies last name will only be one syllable I was thinking we needed at least two in the first and second names. So as of today (remember we have not signed the birth certificate and it could and may change- frequently) the babies first name is slated to be Soren.

Middle name ideas...
Emerson (today this is my first choice)
Ugh- I left the book out in my car and I am too lazy to go and get it. Anyway- any suggestions??

We moved the furniture upstairs so now the green room will be "Soren's" room. (Disclaimer: name can change at the drop of a hat, a twist of a mood swing...) So I am trying to get things organized in there. I had been one of the quest rooms. I would like to do a jungle theme. You know monkeys hanging from the ceiling, trees on the walls, giraffes, etc. We are thinking of having a mural done in the room and adding tree limbs (very similar to our bedroom). It should be nice. Need to find someone to do the mural. J says he could do it but I am scared that the monkey would be slaying one of the giraffes with some fancy level 60 World of War Craft sword. No thanks.

My kitten continues to house the soul of the Devil. I just need some good anti-psychotic meds for her. I just don't want to spend the money on it.

Will it ever snow? I kid you not- this global warming thing is not good. I need to get a different car. Solar panels. Something.

And circumcision.. Ugh, I am losing sleep. Do I really just let J decide on this one?

Thursday, January 04, 2007


Why is this such an issue? It's just a name right? But we will be giving this life part of it's identity. As I just said to J I want to name him. It will make him real. More a part of our family. I think we may just have to not worry about what other people think and go with our guts. The three of us are all really liking one name now but we are making it a priority to name our son soon. I can't call him "him" for much longer. I want to connect with him on a name level.

And yes, I know, I am certifiable- it's just a name and he won't be here until May....

It's good to be in love with my life.